Why Her
Remember the movie, Good Luck Chuck? If not, let me give you the synopsis. The movie was about a man named Charlie trying to find love although all his exes found love immediately after breaking up with him.
For ten years, I felt like Charlie. It may not have been immediately my “exes” found girlfriends, but eventually they did and I was still single. I wondered “why her” and “what was wrong with me?” The enemy always pointed out how significantly different I looked and acted from other girls around campus and even some of my friends. I was trying to be responsible so I refused to get my nails done often and seldomly went to the salon. I tried acting more like how I thought other girls acted. I tried to “go with the flow” and not pressure guys into labeling our “relationship.” After a couple of months, at most, it all ended the same, the guy either ghosted me or I ended it and then a few months later, I discovered that the next girl got the relationship I wanted.
Recently, God gave me the revelation that because we each have a kingdom spouse, we’re not just made for any and everybody. We’re designed to be a helpmate to who God has called to be our spouses, which means 99% of the people we date without consulting God, it won’t work out. I also started to question: “Why would I want to be with anybody other than who God has for me?” The person who God has for me will be suitable for me, meaning that he’ll be able to grow with and accept me as I grow and change, not complain about how life used to be or belittle my dreams and aspirations.
Moreover, I learned that nothing was wrong with me; the current flavor of the season and I were not right for each other. There are blessings in God ending relationships and removing people from your life. Even if you never understand it or see it, God does. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT) says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” God “knew [us] before [He] formed [us] in [our] mother’s womb[s];” therefore, He knows our personalities, the environments we need to thrive in, as well as the spouses we need. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
If you’re struggling like I was struggling, I’m here to remind you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. We are all created differently, but we are each “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14, NIV). What makes me excited and what I am passionate about may be different from what you’re excited or passionate about, but that doesn’t make me better than you or you better than me.
