Girls Just Want to Have Fun
The other day I was watching a television show and the main character admitted to her best friend that she always wanted to have a “ho phase,” but she got into a relationship and was never given a chance. When I heard her say that it gave me pause and I knew I had to write/talk about the issue.
In today’s time, we have formulated the thought pattern that you haven’t lived life if you haven’t had sex with multiple people and if you’ve never had a roster of people to choose from. If you’ve read the blog thus far, you know I attempted to have my own phase until God quickly sat me down. But the question becomes: why do we feel that we need this phase in the first place?
As I’ve observed how music topics and other media have changed over time, I think it’s a combination of things. For me, the phase was a ploy to show that I wasn’t hurt by past relationships and a way to receive the attention I desired from men without admitting I wanted a relationship while at the same time hoping one would “cuff” me. I also think it’s a way to avoid the hurt that we’ve seen and heard our friends, cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents go through. If we can avoid that, but still receive that intimacy that God put inside us to crave, then we wrongly think it’s a win-win. Also, with the upsurge of social media and the use of filters and mastering of angles, we are constantly in a state of FOMO (fear of missing out). Questions like “what if I settle down with this person but this more attractive person wants to get with me” are asked. As I mentioned earlier, the validation and desire of attention can be easily attained with a change of clothing or a certain angle. At the core of it, I think there’s a pandemic of the spirit of rejection, the spirit of validation and the spirit of abandonment plaguing our generation; however, we are mentally and spiritually immature so we mask it with the idea of “just wanting to have fun.”
But is it really fun though?
Whether it manifests itself earlier or later, I can promise you the trauma from having said phase rears its ugly head eventually, so the answer to the question is no. Saying that it is fun is really a lie from the pit of hell.
You may not admit it outwardly, but I have surveyed enough of my friends to know that secretly there’s a part of you that feels empty, there’s a part of you that feels lonely, and/or there’s a part of you that wants to feel loved and valued. However, the enemy has warped our minds to believe that we can’t trust others, that we aren’t attractive, that we aren’t worthy, and/or that we are failures.
God says “you are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God sent His only begotten Son to die on a cross for you so you can have everlasting life, which means you are important, valued, appreciated, and loved by God. Jesus said He comes so that [you] may have life, and that [you] might have it more abundantly (John 10:10). God also said He will give you the desires of your heart if you take delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). Therefore, if you seek God and live righteously, God will honor you with the love and relationship you desire.
1 Corinthians 6:19 (NLT) says: “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.” Moreover, the Bible tells us that a husband and wife are “two united into one” (Mark 10:8). In the Old Testament, sex was the wedding ceremony. If a man and woman had sex, in God’s eyes, the two were married. God is the same yesterday, today and forever more, meaning His beliefs, His rules, His laws, such as the concept of sex is the same in the Old Testament, New Testament, today and tomorrow. Therefore, while you are desecrating your body by raising your body count, you are also spiritually joining with each person you sleep with.
John 10:10 also informs us that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. The enemy has discovered that if can keep us trapped in our fleshly desire to have sex, he can steal, kill and destroy us spiritually, emotionally, mentally and even physically. Each new person brings a new or multitude of demonic spirits that mix with yours and plot your downfall. That is why God wants you to trust Him with your spouse because He will anoint you to handle and combat the evil spirits that terrorize your spouse and will help you to become delivered from them.
Although God stopped me before I could get started good, I have had to go into spiritual warfare over the spirits I’ve allowed to be connected to me through sex with various people. I’m constantly praying to God to deliver me from any lingering spiritual residue that resulted from my sexual encounters. Moreover, I’m still healing from the emotional and mental trauma I underwent during that time in my life.
My encouragement for you today is God loves you just the way you are. He knew you before He formed you in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8). You are the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8). He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
I promise you that what you’re ultimately seeking from your phase can be found in God. Surrender yourself to Him. Plant yourself in Him. Watch how that joy and happiness you’re looking for radiates from you when you give your life to Christ.
