I planned; God protected.
Let me start this blog post with: Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it…only not quite how you picture it. Last year, I began to pray for the ability to see myself because I didn’t want to be one of those people that constantly see the wrongs in others, but not my own, and boy, did God deliver! Spiritually, I feel like God has been sucker punching me left and right with revelations about myself. One of these revelations is that I am a control freak and have been since I was little. I can remember around the age of 5, I knew I would be a cheerleader in high school, I would date the star of the basketball team and I would have 2 sets of triplets after I was married. As I grew older, the plans changed but became more precise. For example, I would date for two years, be married by 25, have my first child at 27 and become a psychiatrist. Although my plans for elementary and junior high were pretty loosey-goosey, based on television and books, I had an idea of how I wanted my high school, college and adult years to go. My plans were derailed immensely at every single hand.
In 2012, I realized that One Tree Hill was on Netflix. (When I was in the sixth grade, I bought a book about the show and enjoyed the plot, but I didn’t realize it was on TV until years later, which at that time, I didn’t watch it because I figured I would be too lost to catch up with the new season.) Instantly, it became one of my favorite series, but it was also a series that I compared my life to, which furthered my depression.
You may be saying, “Kay, it’s a television show! It’s fake! How could you possibly compare your real life to a fake television show?”
I will tell you how. By 2012, I was quickly realizing that the pre-med path was not for me. In fact, the only reason I was pursuing the career path of a psychiatrist was because it pleased every single adult who asked of my career ambitions. It was my plan B since working in the entertainment business seemed to produce reactions of people rolling their eyes or dismissiveness. However, in this show, these teenage girls, who were close to my age at the time, were taking chances and stepping out on faith to pursue their musical and business aspirations. I wanted that but had no idea where or how to start. Although I had friends backing me up, my parents were paying for my education out of their pocket, so I felt that I had no choice. Moreover, here was my most coveted young adult love story, which seemed to be absolutely unattainable at that point in my life. Their life seemed to be fun and carefree, while it seemed that my life was the complete opposite. Instead of that feeling driving me to change how I viewed my life, I gave in to the fight and threw in the towel.
It was a losing battle until 2021 when I decided I was tired of living my life the way I was living it. I began planning to reconnect with my dreams and travel. A few more hiccups in the plan occurred but because I was now reading my bible and going to church more, I began to look at the hiccups as God’s direction, which I know now that it was. As many of you may know, I received the Holy Ghost last year and restarted therapy, which the combination began whipping my soul into shape!
As I reflected on the plans I once was distraught about being uprooted, I realized not one of those plans glorified Him. I changed my career plans to appease man. I coveted worldly relationships that I would thank God for instead of waiting on the one God would send. I didn’t experience life in fear of what others would say or trying to wait on other people. By getting closer with God, I began to see that God was protecting me the entire time. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) says that God has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Furthermore, Isaiah 55:8 (NIV) says: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD.” Therefore, the conclusion I came to about life is that plans are sometimes altered or restructured, but instead of getting disappointed and depressed, lean on God and trust that His plan is to prosper you. Matthew 6:33 (NIV) says: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Don’t be like me and plan your life without God.
