I’m different, Yeah, I’m different
Ever felt like you’re acting too old for your age?
Ever wondered why it seems so effortless for others to do something, but when you want to, it doesn’t go as planned?
I have.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, I went to the club – A LOT, actually. The first half of fall semester of my freshman year, I was either at the club, a frat party or both every weekend. When David and I started having our issues, I stopped wanting to go out as much. By the time freshman year was over, my hiatus of clubbing was over, and I wanted to go out again. However, freshman year was the only time I clubbed like that. In the summer, I realized that the clubs and bars weren’t much fun with most of the college kids gone. Additionally, as the years passed, I either had friends who were in relationships, who grew out of the clubbing stage or who had different schedules than me. I remember several times in my early 20’s being upset because I wanted to go out and couldn’t. I felt like everyone else was enjoying their youth and I was being forced to be an old grandma. However, what kept the frustration at bay was I worked a lot and worked different shifts. My schedule was never the same from day-to-day. By the time I moved to Atmore, I realized that clubbing in the country was probably not going to happen for me. Majority of the time I lived in Atmore, I was on the road often visiting family and friends, so I was never home. Eventually, the desire to want to go out and club faded away until it didn’t exist anymore. It got to the point where sitting at home, binge watching Netflix and eating a pizza was a perfect way to spend the weekend.
One thing I am realizing is that all things are working for my good and that God will allow and not allow certain events to happen or certain people to enter your life to continue the plan that He has for you. As I look back on my life now, I realize that the reason there were so many struggles and hinderances to going out and being a “normal” 20-year-old is that God was and has always been setting me apart. Now, that’s not to say that if you are/were the “normal” 20-year-old that God doesn’t have a plan for you or can’t use you. It means that His plan for your life includes all the lessons you learned/are learning from your “normal” years. Instead, for me and the people who have similar experiences, it’s important to realize that God was shielding us from something that would severely alter or end our purpose. When I had a strong desire to club, I wanted to do so to escape. I wanted to put on a provocative dress and dance and get hollered at by multiple guys just to feel desirable and wanted. I can’t imagine the pain, the heartbreak or the damage I could’ve endured if God would’ve allowed me to go out at my worst. Going back for my master’s, relocating for a job promotion and all the things I was able to accomplish in my “bored time” might not have happened if he would have continued to let me wild out. This relationship I am forming with him would have DEFINITELY taken a lot longer than it did if he would have let me continue to club and party the way I wanted to.
I understand that it’s hurtful and depressing to want to go out and have friends to do “hoodrat things with” and even when you know it’s probably for the best to still desire it. I’ve been there. However, I would like to offer you a suggestion. When you begin to get bored and start coveting the lives other people have, use that time to work on yourself. Enroll yourself in a class. Learn a new skill. Write. Read. Travel. There are endless number of possibilities for you to do.
Here’s a hint that NOBODY told me. By doing this, working on yourself and practicing self-care, it’s a step you need in becoming whole. To fulfill your purpose, the purpose that God has for your life, you need to be a whole person. Sometimes, God uses those skills and hobbies you develop in this season to complete your purpose. The thing about God is we never quite know the entire picture, which is why faith is such a big component to being a Christian. We must trust and have faith that our “boredom” is for protection. We must trust and have faith that God is separating us for our good.
Being a Christian isn’t always easy. By worldly standards, it isn’t always fun. But to know that when all the pain and turmoil and strife of this world is over, I get to go to a place where pain doesn’t exist and my Father is welcoming me with outstretched arms makes it all worth it. Pastor Stephen Chandler said, “People of purpose are not concerned about being left behind.” I’m no longer scared about being left behind or missing out on what others deem as “fun” because in the grand scheme of things, I’ll spend more time in the afterlife than here on Earth. Therefore, why continuously do things that will not reap any rewards instead of living out Psalm 22:22, which says (TLB), “I will praise you to all my brothers; I will stand up before the congregation and testify of the wonderful things you have done.”?
Ultimately, the question comes down to:
Would you prefer to risk your soul and your purpose for fun that won’t even be fun in a few years or devote yourself to God and His will on your life and spend eternity in Heaven?
*This blog post reflects the author’s recollections of experiences over time. Names of individuals have been changed or omitted to respect their privacy, and some events have been compressed.
