God Ended It
Majority of my relationships/situationships have ended without closure or without me being given a reason. For the most part, I have learned to be ok with that. It just wasn’t meant to be and that’s that. However, there are some relationships that over the years left me puzzled as to what exactly went wrong. Was I not communicative enough? Was I too nice/friendly to the opposite sex? Was I emotionally insecure? A mistake I made in the past was answering these questions based on assumptions and tailoring my life to the answers. Acting based on assumptions only weakened my self-esteem more and more until I doubted the reality that anyone would want to be in a relationship with me.
Through therapy, I am learning how to heal from my past relationship trauma. I’m realizing that it’s ok for people to grow apart and drift apart. It’s also ok to not be everything to everybody and that I will be exactly what my future spouse is looking for and needs.
However, the mind sometimes has a mind of its own and can saunter into old thought patterns. Since I can’t exactly call these guys and ask, “Why did we end? Was it me? What could I have done better,” I was left with only one choice if I wanted to know why the relationships I had hope in ended. I asked God. Instantly, as if God was waiting for me to ask that question, He answered, “Because that wasn’t the relationship I had for you.”
Mind Blown.
Don’t get me wrong. At the core of me, I knew that was the answer. but you know sometimes, you don’t think the answer is really the answer. Sometimes, there’s another answer attached to that. In this case, God was saying to me: I SAID WHAT I SAID! (I’m a little hardheaded, y’all. Be better than me.)
God also reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT), which says: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”
I may not know the man He has for me. It may be hard to believe that the love I once felt by an ex will be topped by the love of someone else. But God knows all. He sees all. He creates ALL! He’s literally the author of our story. He just asks us to participate.
After coming to this realization, I think I’m starting to let go of the final pieces of the hurt from these past relationships. I’m realizing what God has for me is for me. Usually, we recite that phrase when it comes to materialistic things, but it’s true for relationships too. Everything that happens, God allows and God is able to use. So, if that relationship never came back, it wasn’t supposed to. If y’all just never seemed to be on the same page, y’all weren’t supposed to. If y’all were never able to see each other despite y’all living on the same side of town, baby if that ain’t God, I don’t know what is.
It hurts when what we want doesn’t align with what God wants, but that’s only because we never consulted with God in the first place. Moreover, it hurts when God only places people in our lives for a season and not for a lifetime like we plan (yes, that happens in romantic relationships too). I think God wants us to learn how to make the best of every moment. Take the lessons we should learn from each failed relationship and give Him the rest. There’s no reason to deal with your hurt and confusion on your own when God knows everything. Just think what would have happened if Ruth would have been so distraught over the death of her husband that she would’ve remained in Moab. She would have never met Boaz.
Y’all a word just hit me. Do you want to stay in Moab or do you want to find your Boaz?! The only way you will find Boaz is if you trust, lean and depend on God in every situation, including your love life. He will never leave you astray or bless you with something subpar. Again, look at Boaz. Look at God blessing Mary with an understanding and loyal man like Joseph (How many men you know will stay with you when you’re freshly pregnant with a baby? Not many). Look at Esther. She became Queen!
Full transparency moment: I used to be afraid that I would have to settle when I got married. I was scared that I wouldn’t love my husband the way I wanted or should love my husband. But God reminded me that He always blesses with more and abundance. He never gives you less when you’re truly seeking Him. The same is said for my future husband or “Josh” as me and my best friend like to call him. (That is a WHOLE ‘nother story! lol).
I know it’s easy to say this now, but when that anniversary date rolls around or their picture on Facebook pops up or you run into their momma at Walmart, it seems like the thoughts of the relationship are ongoing.
Just remember: God ended it, but He knows the plans He has for you. “[P]lans to prosper you and not to harm you” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
