Why You Gotta Be So Mean?
Cancel culture is real. One wrong sentence, one wrong tweet, one wrong anything and we will throw anybody to the wolves and leave them for dead.
We are slow to accept apologies because nowadays, it seems like people are only issuing them to stay in good standing and not because they actually see the wrong in their actions.
Some say that this generation is too sensitive. I believe that this generation is finally tired of pretending that the traumatic words and actions that were deemed acceptable in the past are acceptable. Being judgmental, critical and just downright ugly is so entwined with us as human beings that we get offended for someone else calling us out on it.
However, in that, the same people who call others out for their wrongdoings are slow and apprehensive to forgive or educate others. Basically, subjecting them to the same scrutiny of judgment and criticism.
The Bible says to forgive others. The Bible also says not to be judgmental. Matthew 7:12 (NLT) says: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Therefore, if you don’t want anyone talking crazy to you, don’t talk crazy to others. If you want people to have compassion for you when you are going through a situation, you must have compassion for others even if you do not know the situation. Simple in theory, but hard in practice.
I’ve noticed that some people will say this and continue to do the opposite, myself included. We’ll say we aren’t judgmental and in the same breath, judge someone. We’ll tell others that they need to forgive so-and-so, but won’t forgive someone that hurt us. We’ll cry because while we were down, people were mean to us, but when we’re feeling better, we’ll be mean to others.
Due to various reasons, I developed a complex to be perfect; therefore, if I was perfect, most people would not have a need to judge or criticize me. This complex displayed itself in various aspects of my life when I was younger and I am still trying to break this complex in some areas of my life now.
I always had a love of music growing up, but because people’s faces would show sheer disappointment when I mentioned having a career in music, I quickly changed it to being a doctor. I discovered sophomore year of undergrad that becoming a doctor was not something that was in my heart. I thought less of myself for changing my major. I felt like a failure and no matter how much I enjoyed my new coursework, I constantly second-guessed the decision. It wasn’t until I found a job in my field that the fear went away. However, I still wanted more from my career. Honestly, I still fear judgment of announcing all that I want to accomplish.
When I was younger, I judged women for taking men back multiple times and crying each time their men hurt them. As I mentioned several times in other blog posts, I became that exact girl. I thought I was stupid, dumb and weak. I shouldn’t be crying; I should be getting over this.
Moreover, growing up, my parents would often tell me about the mistakes they made when they were younger and would follow it up with, “I’m telling you my mistakes, so you won’t make the same ones.” I put extra pressure on myself to not make the same mistakes as my parents and other family members as well as trying to make as few mistakes in life as possible. In college, it appeared that I was incapable of doing one thing right. As a result, I started not to trust myself. I was a stupid idiot who was the exact opposite of what my parents raised me to be.
I became ashamed of myself and doubted that I deserved forgiveness. With God and therapy, I am discovering the opposite.
I discovered that I need to learn grace and forgiveness for myself.
Grace to change my mind. Grace to forgive myself for changing my mind. Grace to achieve the “far-fetched” dreams that I may have. Grace to be human and to forgive myself when I make mistakes. Grace to experience life the way I need to experience life and not how others believe I should experience it.
There are several definitions for the word, grace, but in this context, I will use this definition: “disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency.” God extends His grace to us daily. 2 Timothy 1:9 (NLT) says, “For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time – to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.” As humans, we mess up daily; we sin daily. But God continues to extend His grace to us. He continues to forgive us. As it is preached to us over and over again, God wants us to do the same to others, but moreover, He wants us to do the same to ourselves.
