Trust God
When I was depressed, I did a plethora of stupid things that I knew were stupid, but I couldn’t articulate why I did them. I made so many bad decisions that I began to not trust myself and started wanting others to tell me what to do instead. Not only did I start to become codependent on others, but I began to become resentful because as I started wanting to trust myself again, I had others questioning my motives. I started to feel like I had to defend every action I made. (Cue Brittney Spears’ “Overprotected”!) Then, when some of those actions proved to be disastrous, the semblance of trust in myself I had built up combusted and fell by the wayside.
As God began to heal me and bring me closer to him, I realized that my number one problem is that I was looking for everyone to tell me what to do except God. Proverbs 3:5 (NLT) says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
Trusting if you hear God when you have a track record of not being trustworthy with yourself is hard. First, ask God to help you to forgive yourself, ask Him to help you trust Him and ask Him to help you hear His voice. Secondly, get more into the Word. Romans 10:17 (NLT) says: “So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.” Therefore, if you read more of His word and open your heart to His word, His character will begin to stick out. Then, you can begin to compare what you should do to the Word of God. If it’s from Him, it will align. Also, never fear asking God for confirmations!
God knows what stage of trust you are at and I believe that God will lead you in the path that He wants you to go (Proverbs 3:6).
For example, two years ago, when I heard God tell me it was time to move, I thought He was telling me it was finally time for me to move to Atlanta. (I have had a dreaming of living in Atlanta since I was 10.) Although the first place I thought of when God gave me the thought to move was Daphne, I started to think how Daphne wasn’t conducive to aspirations and dreams I had for my life. Prior to that, I had been having dreams about a particular church in Atlanta and I convinced myself that God was really telling me to move to Atlanta, not Daphne. I prayed on it some more and eventually, began looking for places to live. I found a place in my budget but forced myself to calm down. I prayed to God asking for him to give me confirmation if this was the house He wanted me to rent. I told Him I would wait 3 days before inquiring about visiting the house. I checked the next day and the house was still listed. However, when I checked the third day, the house was gone. I shrugged and assumed that God meant my time was coming soon, but not now, and I continued with life. That following Sunday, I visited my best friend’s church and her Apostle gave me a membership form. (Side note: He knew I lived in Montgomery.) Usually, I don’t feel when my facial expressions are speaking, but that day, I was aware my face was having a full-blown conversation. Both my mind and face were saying, “But I thought it was Atlanta.” Later, my best friend told me that she didn’t think I was supposed to move to Atlanta but thought that it was important for me to hear God for myself.
While some people may hear this story and say I heard God wrong, I think it’s a testament to how God will still lead you to His intended destination IF you keep Him first. During every step of that process, I prayed and asked God to lead me. God removing that house from the listing the day I was going to inquire about it showed me that God was guiding me. Learning to trust God also includes trusting Him when inconveniences and setbacks occur.
