Treat me like I treat Me
“Love yourself.”
How many times have you heard a friend/family member give this kind of advice in one form or another? It could come in reference to finding a significant other or it could be in response to why others seem to mistreat you. I have heard the phrase “Love yourself” more times than I can count.
“But I do love myself,” I would either tell the other person or yell in my head.
But did I though?
According to Merriam-Webster’s definition, self-love means “an apperception of one’s own worth or virtue; proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being. As I thought about the concept of self-love recently, I began to ponder on how love is illustrated in other relationships, for instance parent-child, adult child-parent and husband-wife. When children are young, parents feed them, clothe them, ensure that their hygiene is maintained, ensure that their hair is done or cut, take them to the doctors for annual visits, etc. Adult child-parent relationships are similar except adult children may be asked to run errands for their parents. Spouses are encouraged to date each other, be sensitive to each other’s needs, work as a team, etc. I decided to compare the list to myself.
Do I feed myself? Not like I should. There have been several days where I would eat snacks as a meal or skip meals altogether. When I would eat, it was mostly fast foods. At one point in college, I would eat 6 waffles for breakfast and continuously snack on a party-sized bag of M&M’s for the rest of the day.
Do I clothe myself? I have gotten better in recent years of buying myself clothes, but previously, specifically college through 2018ish, I would depend on my parents to buy me most of my wardrobe. I would buy an item here or there, but not what I need. I would use the excuse of not having enough money when in honesty after bills, most of my money went to fast food and snacks.
Do I practice proper hygiene? It could be better. I could floss more or find better facial products.
Are you sensitive to your own needs? Honestly, I’m mean and judgmental of myself. I don’t allow myself to feel and I handle a lot of my issues on my own.
Do I date myself or do things that make me happy? Yes. I enjoy going on dates with myself or doing things that make me happy like reading and writing. However, this has been a new development within the last two years. Prior to that, I would oftentimes put others before my own needs or I would do so much for others that I rarely had time or resources for myself.
After questioning myself, I, then, asked, “If you had a child, would you be ok with treating your child like this?”
The answer was “Absolutely not.”
The Bible says, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT). Because our body is God’s temple, we should care and love ourselves just like we love our kids or parents or better – how God loves us. God loves us so much that He sent his only Son to die on the cross for us so we could have everlasting life. Not only is He concerned about our soul, but he’s concerned about every facet in our life. That includes food, clothes and hobbies. According to Matthew 6:26 (NLT), “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?”
If we are so valuable to God and if we show love and care to others, why is it so hard for us to show love and care for ourselves?
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (NLT) says, “Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” Therefore, we should take care of ourselves before God decides to allow our bodies to be taken from us.
From family members encouraging me to become more aware and more attentive to my appearance (story behind this coming soon) to my continuing discovery of self-care activities, I have become more conscientious of taking care of my complete body – mind, body, soul and spirit. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.” Our bodies cannot be kept blameless while we have untreated trauma, toxic behaviors and lukewarm and negligent attitudes. That is why I am back in therapy, learning how to do my nails, creating a more consistent hygiene program, forcing myself to budget more efficiently, watching online sermons and more.
What I am learning is that self-care includes a variety of different activities. It can be fun activities like reading, scrapbooking or photography. It can be learning new skills, such as music production or playing instruments. It can be creating a budget or cleaning the house. It can be a spa day or getting your nails done. Essentially, self-care is centered around YOU and what ultimately will improve your spirit, soul, body and/or mind, which ultimately improves your quality of life.
If you want to start your self-care journey, here’s some advice. Begin by making a list of Spiritual, Beauty/Hygiene, Cleanliness/Domestic, Fitness/Health, Budgeting and Personal Development/Side Business goals you would like to increase or start. Also, list goals that you want to achieve that weren’t in the categories listed. Then, make a plan of action and START.
Remember, God loves our complete being; therefore, we should care for ourselves the way God cares for us.
*This blog post reflects the author’s recollections of experiences over time. Names of individuals have been changed or omitted to respect their privacy, and some events have been compressed.
